So I'm listening to a friend tell me about another friend and blah blah blah…blah blah, it's the same old story again about how she had a hard life and it was never fair and no matter what she did she attracted that guy who broke her heart and she will always be alone and you get the point, right.
And that got me thinking, as most things do, of what really was going on here, with this person that I don't even know and - though I feel compassion for her because I don't like anyone to be that hopeless - truly do not want to know. Just hearing about her through another person was enough for me. I could not sit for more than a second to hear that shit first hand.
Because you see, her story, it's exhausting. And it's not real. Not in the way that she is choosing to live in it. Sure it happened. That guy. He was probably exactly the dick that she says he was. As were all the other dicks that she ended up attracting over and over again. And here is why (at least here is why I think it's why).
Because that is exactly what she is putting out into the world. This story that her life sucks and has always been hard and she only attracts these losers (who, I am thinking may not be losers but their loser-ness comes out in full force around her).
And this got me thinking about all the shit we all deal with and how I have written about some of it. And how it's really our own shit and so we need to own it. And I thought I would revisit this theme today with a few more thoughts on the subject.
Now, this is my opinion. It may not be yours. That is ok. My opinions are mine and yours are yours. So leave a comment, share with me your thoughts. Disagree. Let’s have a vital and true conversation. I love the dialog. I truly do.
Ok. So, first thought: get over your story. Truly. Move on. It's only bringing you down. I know that life was hard and your dad/mom/siblings/classmates hated you and you never felt accepted or understood or respected. It sucks. I get it. I also have stuff that sucks. And I can revisit my sucky stuff really easily, too. I can sit in these stories of mine and they just wrap around me in just that way that feels like home. Like an old blanket that feels warm and worn and so familiar to me.
But this blanket of familiar stories, it’s not really wrapping around me. This blanket is holding me down.
And keeping me reliving this shit over and over again.
But I have the power to change my stories. This blanket is only as strong as the weight that I give it.
Now, you may not want to change your story. And that is really ok with me. That familiar wrapping around you, that feels so good because it feels so familiar but that is really a holding you down, if you want to stay there that is fine. But understand that it's your choice.
I am not saying don't honor your life and feel compassion and love for yourself and for all the struggles and sadness and loss and frustration that you lived through. We are who we are because of the lives that we have led. And so we need to honor our stories. But then, if they don’t serve you, let that shit go.
And so it is hard for me to hear other people's stories. It is hard because it is the same story over and over again. Same story. Different face. Different circumstances. Different abuses and frustrations and tragedies. But the same. Because really, it’s over and done and gone and all you’re really doing is sending out your sad story, and having it keep replaying for you. Which is really sad because there is a whole world of opportunity and life and loving to do. So send that out into the world. Send out possibilities. Send out love and light and goodness. Send out feeling fine. Send out joy and opportunity. And that is what you will get. That's how it works. At least, that is how I think it works. Because that is how it works for me.
Ok, second thought: change your filter and change how you see things. It's kinda like the stories we have about ourselves. The way we see others, that is our story, too. And just as we can change our own stories of our own lives we can change the stories we have about each other. We can choose to see each other in the light that best serves them and best serves us.
I am not saying that you should pretend that someone is different than they are. And I am not saying that you should make anything up. What I am saying is that you can choose to see through a lens that looks at the things without your own emotional baggage and stories about how they are. You can see things clearer if you switch out the glasses that hold the stories you have about someone or something and instead see things with a clearer lens. You can choose to see someone with compassion instead of annoyance. You can decide to see them with a lens of love instead of judgment. And perhaps you will get to see that is extraordinary that these people hold for you rather than getting stuck in the muck that bogs you down when you pay attention to the things that you don’t like about someone. And then you won’t miss their wonderful spirit and all the beautiful ways they can contribute to your life while you contribute to theirs.
So…change your story. Change your lens. Get out of your own way. There's so much to do. I, for one, don't want to miss anything by staying stuck in a story that brings me down and keeps me away from the life I can have with the people that I know. I don't want to miss who I can be and I don't want to miss who you can be. And I absolutely don't want you to miss any of it, too.
Mother, Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Dancer, Dog and Cat lover.