I am writing after not writing for quite a while. It is an uneasy flow writing. A thinking about writing, writing. These are not the writings that I love. I love the ones where the thoughts are fresh and run like rain that pours down into rivers and washes free and clear. I like writings where the ideas come to be without the thoughts first. Just that light of knowing and then the words follow swift and free and my writing is here to share. These I love.
But this, this writing with effort, this is not what I love. Yet this too is something important. And now, in this instant as I am typing these exact words I have my ah ha moment. And now the writing comes with ease because the message has become clear. This is why I am writing this. This is why I write.
I have gone through different stages in my life. Some easier than other. And through all of them I have always had these different thoughts. Sometimes, for many of the times, the thought was that it was ok or really quite right that the times were difficult because this is part of the journey. That we learn from the times where the growing is hard, the hills are steep, the pain is fierce.
But then I think more recently that it is in the ease of things that the path of truth flows through. That our lives are not supposed to be difficult. That when we stand in exactly where we should be it is natural and light and unfolds in effortless beauty.
But then I second guess again. Because those times where it still feels like a struggle at times, when this happens and I give up in those times—when I shift direction or turn around or stop cold in my tracks—what I have to see is whether this is honoring that the path is wrong because it is laced with boulders and steep ravines and dangerous falls, or whether I am avoiding the challenge to grow through the tough stuff.
Is everything that is right supposed to unfold with ease?
It is all much like this writing. It began in stops and starts. Sweet good words and then pauses of empty space where I did not know what came next. And then there was that opening. That moment where I went oh, this is why I am writing this. This sitting in the unease of it is part of the flow. It is not an all or nothing thing. It is an all and everything thing.
Mother, Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Dancer, Dog and Cat lover.