A Bunch Of Quotes, A Film Of Joy, And A Few More Headshots

​Headshots--
 
When I had my headshot done recently, she took a bunch of pics. Like a ton. You need to take a ton to get a few. These are the few. I like the laughing one.
 
A film of Joy--
 
I found this quote a bit ago. “You’re not healing to be able to handles trauma, pain, anxiety, depression. You’re used to those. You’re healing to be able to handle joy.”
 
I found this quote and I was like…. ohhhhhhh…. um.  Yeah. Oh yeah.  This.
 
Because this is interesting.  
 
I wrote a piece way back a long while back, about being a shadow dweller. And being addictive to grief. I wrote—my grief is a marker. And also my lover. And it’s hard to step away.
 
I am working with this, lately. With this addiction to the moistness, and darkness, the inviting-ness, of these shadows of grief and despair. I like it in here. I liked it in here. And I am addicted to it.
 
And so I am working with this lately, with this addiction to this.  Because, like other addictions, it pulls me in as familiar and safe even when it’s not.  It pulls me and it feels good. Until it doesn’t.

And it doesn’t serve me anymore.
 
But it is a habit. 
 
I wrote, a while back, about emotional coupling. I wrote about the tractor and the cart. And wherever the tractor goes, the cart is attached and it goes, too. And the tractor is Joy. And the cart, it is grief. And so Joy and then Grief. Joy. Grief.  This is part of this habit. The habit of keeping the cart attached.
 
So I am working with this. (With this. Not on this. With). I am working with this. With feeling the Joy and when I feel the pull to pull the cart and to fall into my addiction of not Joy, I pause. Joy. It feels like grief because it became grief quickly but now…
 
Now I sit in the Joy and when I feel the pull to pull the cart, I pause. And stay in Joy. It’s lighter. And sweet.  Who knew.
 
So, I filmed a film this weekend. A film about a woman in her sobriety seeing the world through new eyes. Eyes of Joy. Not clouded by addiction.  Eyes that laugh. That twirl. That see color and don’t then see despair. 
 
And this sobriety. It is mine, too. To see the world without the addiction of despair that is a habit. That is my cart pulled behind me for a long, long time.
 
And so this film. 
 
I did this film. It was a beautiful day.
 
A bunch of quotes and bits of thought--
 
You must replace shame with curiosity as quickly as possible. Move away from the spiral and begin to explore what your behavior is trying to protect you from.
 
Mastering detachment while craving connection is genuinely one of the hardest things to do.
 
Where your fear is, there your task is.
 
Too many people think the grass is greener somewhere else but the grass is green where you water it.  
 
The detour I sent you was actually an upgrade. ~The Universe
 
I think it’s important to realize you can miss something, but not want it back.
 
If it breaks your heart but opens your eyes, take that as a win.
 
The portal to every next level is through the parts of yourself that you avoid.
 
The Universe will never give you peace in something you were never meant to settle in.
 
You will be free when you understand that the cage where you live is made of thoughts.
 
The thing that didn’t work out will turn out to be the thing that did.
 
You will know that you are completely done with something when you give it up and you feel freedom instead of loss.
 
You will be ok. Or you won’t. One of those.
 
Thank you for reading my writing today.