I wrote thirty-two writings in 2023.
A few quite funny. Some, especially most recently, very political. Many deeply reflective as my soul traveled to this next place in my evolution. In this human experience. On this planet of earth/school of survival.
This place that my soul is traveling to, some days I am here. Others, still not so much. But I know where this place is now. And overall, the scales tip more to the easeful side. So this is good.
When the scales tip that other way, and I am in the patterns—that at this point feel performative—I can see this easeful place in the not so distance and, while part of me acts the part that no longer serves me, that knowing voice in my mind continues to ask this question--
—"why do you want what is not good for you?” Still. Why, when I know what I know, “why do I want what is not good for me, still?”
But let’s back up.
This process of growth and transformation that propels us forward into the horrible abyss of despair that then becomes our sweetest next place to be, it happens when we are in discomfort.
We make changes in our life when we are in discomfort. When where we are at is just too uncomfortable, too painful, too challenging, too out of alignment, to unhealthy, too unfulfilled, too uninspired.
And we feel called to shift. In a big way. We know we have to move. Because we cannot stay where we are at for even one other moment.
And so we step in.
But let’s back up.
Discomfort shows up all around us. In our interactions and our choices. In our dysfunctional, and also quite lovely, relationships. In our challenging communications and our inability to communicate. The Universe supplies over and over and over again these painfully awesome symptoms of our internal imbalance.
At first glance we think this is the real discomfort. And we often just move from here. Just as our medical profession often treats the symptoms—take this pill, have this surgery—rather than hunting for the cause of the symptoms in the first place, our humanness does this too. We are in the muck of the symptoms of our internal discomfort and we fix just that.
We end a marriage or relationship. We quit a job. We disconnect from a friend or change the way we care for ourselves with our food and movement practices and meditations and all.
And yes, this works. For a while that is really a quick minute in this lifetime of ours.
Because when we move forward in reaction to an external symptom of our discomfort, it’s not really a moving forward, it’s a running from. And it’s unsustainable.
Because the cause of the symptom is still there. And this where that question comes in.
You know, the—"why do you want what is not good for you?”—question. Because it is this question that moves us out from the external symptom and lands us into our selves.
This is where we have to move from.
When we ask the question—"why do you want what is not good for you?”—we are taking the symptom—the “what is not good for you”—and tracing its path to where it was born—to the “why do you want?”
The question takes us into the internal mess of chaos.
This is the real discomfort. Painful and hard and so not an easy place to land.
And here’s the thing, if we sit here long enough, we begin to make sense. We begin the deeper reflection. And we begin to unravel.
And then we move with intention for growth. And then we move in response to our internal now knowing and with a choosing in our actions. And then, once we can find ourselves in here, we move from a place of internal love and respect and desire for ourselves.
And then we move forward from here (touch your heart).
And then it lasts.
Welcome 2024. Bring it on.
Mother, Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Dancer, Rower, Runner, Dog and Cat lover.