I’ve been reworking my website as I rework my work.
Let’s start with my work. As many (all)(most)(some)(most) of you know, I have been a Divorce Mediator for a long ass time. Too long (sometimes) I think—I have declared that I am retiring from this work a number of times. But still I will get pulled back in because, well… I am really good at it. And help a lot of people. I make a difference in their lives and it’s hard to not step in and work with these couples and families during this, God, this is such a most difficult time in their lives.
And there is the Couples and Family Mediation work that I do, too. An offshoot of the Divorce work, at first, when couples I was separating were referring me to couples that were coupling but still challenged in their dynamics with each other. And then, in time, as a stand along offering as my reputation grew in this bucket. I work with couples, with families altogether, with parents and their kids, with just their kids. It’s good work.
And then, over these past number of years I started to step into something new—I am an Executive and Leadership Coach.
This fell into my lap as my husband’s coaching company, Garth Rose Consulting, needed someone (me) to take over the coaching as he grew his (amazing) software company, GenRocket.
The progression to this makes sense. The executives I coach are predominantly in Family Business. So the GM is managing the VP of Sales, who also happens to be his older brother. And the dad (founder) is retired, but not really. And the youngest sister, just out of school and doing support work, actually has the most commanding style and the best leadership drivers of the bunch.
Family Mediation camouflaged as Leadership Coaching where I offer tools in leadership and management and delegation and accountability. And communication and active listening and self-regulation and empathy and how to be kind while also being direct. You get the idea.
The work that I do most, is mostly this Leadership Coaching work. While I will take the Divorce Mediation client (see above, in paragraph 1) and I continue to work with couples and families, the focus of my time is the Leadership and Executive Coaching.
But my website, it was still presenting me as a Divorce Mediator.
Time for an edit (upgrade)(rework).
I launched it today. This is my Home Page (introduction)(explanation)(overview of my offerings)--
Hi and welcome to Elizabeth Rose Mediation.
It may seem that my offerings don't quite match—the Executive and Leadership Coaching along with the Mediation work— oh but they do.
Because all this work, whether the navigation to end your marriage, the commitment to nurture your relationships, or the desire to grow as a leader in your company, all ground on two essential skills—
Emotional Intelligence and creating the container of Psychological (Emotional) Safety.
A quick review--
Daniel Goleman popularized the term Emotional Intelligence in 1995. He states that emotional intelligence is a person's ability to manage their feelings so that those feelings are expressed appropriately and effectively.
There are four Emotional Intelligence Pillars: Self-awareness, Self-regulation, Awareness of others (Empathy), and Building Relationship.
Allow me to paraphrase/expand/engage a bit with this--
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to manage our feelings so that they are expressed in the best way to support our relationships with each other. This means we need to know where we're at, how to regulate where we're at so that we don't sabotage our interactions with others, understand where they're at so that we can read the dynamic and, again, self-regulate in response to their emotional and possible de-regulation and, in turn, build this productive and quite lovely, even when it's a challenging dialog, relationship with others.
Once we do this, we are able to create Psychological Safety (the business term)/Emotional Safety (the relationship term).
Psychological Safety means that, as leaders, we are creating a container in our work environment that accomplishes four essential goals for a great work environment--
—Inclusion Safety. That members feel safe to belong to the team. They are comfortable being present, do not feel excluded, and feel like they are wanted and appreciated.
—Learner Safety. That members are able to learn through asking questions. Team members here may be able to experiment, make (and admit) small mistakes, and ask for help.
—Contributor Safety. That members feel safe to contribute their own ideas, without fear of embarrassment or ridicule. This is a more challenging state, because volunteering your own ideas can increase the psychosocial vulnerability of team members. And,
—Challenger Safety. That members can question others’ (including those in authority) ideas or suggest significant changes to ideas, plans, or ways of working.
As Leaders, when we create this container of Psychological Safety, we are creating an environment where our team can approach us with confidence, knowing that they will be listened to, respected, appreciated, and valued.
Now Emotional Safety—similar theme, different word choice--
Emotional Safety means that, as humans in relationship with each other, we are creating a container in our relationship with others where--
—We feel valued and valuable.
—We can truly be ourselves without the risk of judgment.
—We can show our weaknesses without being taken advantage of.
—We can share boldly and express ourselves freely.
—We feel seen, heard, and understood.
When we, as participants in our relationships, create this container of Emotional Safety, we are creating an environment where the people we care about can interact from a place of vulnerability, which is the key element that fosters connection, knowing that they will be valued, honored, supported, and respected.
It all starts from here. From knowing ourselves, and then taking that knowledge into the container of safety for others.
When we are able to do this, self-reflect and self-regulate, understand how each other is feeling, and create the space for honest dialog, we can negotiate. We can challenge each other. We can self-advocate and also be generous. We can delegate. We can support each other. We can solve disagreements and compromise. We can engage in ways that allow us to move through all the obstacles and opportunities that come with being human.
Welcome to Elizabeth Rose Mediation. I hope I am able to work with you.
Please visit my website at www.elizabethrosemediation.com
And thank you for reading my writing today.
I am stepping away from social media for a time.
I feel a privileged guilt doing this.
The hostages held by Hamas in Gaza can’t take a break from their trauma but I can stop reading posts about them.
Our country will continue to be infiltrated by terrorist organizations paying our citizens to march for a Global Intifada and I can shut down my feed.
Some government officials can turn their backs on the only democracy in the Middle East and I can deactivate my Instagram and look out my wall of glass and onto the mountains in the winter morning light. The best light.
An International Kangaroo Court of (In)Justice can hear a case filed by a country that courts a terrorist regime and I can sit with my young puppy and my old man, 21-year-old cat and the only thing I can choose to worry about is his care and comfort in his old age.
But still I will worry about more.
I will seek out fair and honest news reporting (hard to find). I will speak with my cousins in Israel and listen to sources that feel honest and clear. I will support organizations that I believe make a difference. And will continue to have conversation and, yes, discourse, with others because engagement is essential to the health of our humanity.
But this, this social media addictive drug is a dopamine hit that is hitting too hard. I need to turn this off.
I can turn this off.
I am blessed that I can turn this off.
I do not take this for granted.
This world, it seems,
is upside ended.
And pulls my heart
till quite extended.
The flux and flow,
I tumble with it.
And feel I need
a self-timed limit.
This page will be here,
still for viewing.
But visits are
my soul’s undoing
And so I take a pause.
Until my body
I had a Facebook exchange on one of my posts some weeks ago. This FB friend asked me how I would expect to get people to understand me when I use terms like ‘pseudo pro-Palestinian protesters’ and ‘anti-Israel protesters’ in reference to the violent protests that I believe are anti-Jewish, anti-Semitic rallies camouflaged as pro-Palestinian protests and that are unfolding all over our country right now.
I asked him to share with me an example of a pro-Palestinian protest that was not violent and anti-Jewish. Just one.
So he quoted Martin Luther King: “Violence is impractical because it is a descending spiral ending in destruction for all. It is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding: it seeks to annihilate rather than convert.”
This is reference to my words… not in reference to the protesters.
Then he asked me if I thought all of my accusatory, insulting language was going to make things better for my relationships with friends who see the Palestinian side as well as the Israeli side?
Kind of concerns me that he doesn’t feel that the violent protesters are…well, violent and has a problem with me calling this out. Kind of concerns me that he feels that “anti-Jewish” is insulting. Kind of concerns me that he assumes that I only see the Israeli side.
And I asked again, share with me one protest that is not violent and anti-Jewish (oops that phrase again, my bad).
Show me one non-violent, pro-Palestinian protest.
One protest where the protesters faces are all uncovered, where they do not chant ‘from the river to the sea” or ‘intifada revolution.’ Where they do not burn Israeli flags or rip down American flags. Where they do not stop traffic at airports, or take over retail establishments, or deface national monuments or call Israelis Nazis or tear down posters of Hamas hostages in Gaza.
One protest where the protesters sit peacefully and speak about the challenges in Gaza. And know where Gaza was. And what river and sea they are talking about. And care about the Muslims being killed in other countries. And call out Hamas for the atrocious crimes against humanity, the rapes against so many women and girls, the beheading and cutting off of limbs and breasts, the burning of babies, the taking of hostages, that Hamas inflicted on Israel on October 7.
Show me just one protest. Just one. Show me one pro-Palestinian protest that is not anti-Jewish. Show me a pro-Palestinian where the protesters show up in a non-violent way.
The response was “some people see dragons all around them.”
This means me.
I asked him if he wanted to have a conversation around the nature of these protests, or if he wants to just critique my way of communicating.
I asked again for him to share one non-violent, pro-Palestinian protest.
I asked him if he wanted to continue the conversation over coffee or a call.
He said I was not willing to listen and if he couldn’t change my mind, why bother….
I said that was unfortunate… that direct communication in person is a much better way to have this kind of dialog.
And I shared that I was curious why he felt my words were violent and insulting, as I felt they were factual and based on my experience of what is happening.
‘Whatever,’ he said.
‘And there we go,’ I said.
And then he blocked me.
I wrote thirty-two writings in 2023.
A few quite funny. Some, especially most recently, very political. Many deeply reflective as my soul traveled to this next place in my evolution. In this human experience. On this planet of earth/school of survival.
This place that my soul is traveling to, some days I am here. Others, still not so much. But I know where this place is now. And overall, the scales tip more to the easeful side. So this is good.
When the scales tip that other way, and I am in the patterns—that at this point feel performative—I can see this easeful place in the not so distance and, while part of me acts the part that no longer serves me, that knowing voice in my mind continues to ask this question--
—"why do you want what is not good for you?” Still. Why, when I know what I know, “why do I want what is not good for me, still?”
But let’s back up.
This process of growth and transformation that propels us forward into the horrible abyss of despair that then becomes our sweetest next place to be, it happens when we are in discomfort.
We make changes in our life when we are in discomfort. When where we are at is just too uncomfortable, too painful, too challenging, too out of alignment, to unhealthy, too unfulfilled, too uninspired.
And we feel called to shift. In a big way. We know we have to move. Because we cannot stay where we are at for even one other moment.
And so we step in.
But let’s back up.
Discomfort shows up all around us. In our interactions and our choices. In our dysfunctional, and also quite lovely, relationships. In our challenging communications and our inability to communicate. The Universe supplies over and over and over again these painfully awesome symptoms of our internal imbalance.
At first glance we think this is the real discomfort. And we often just move from here. Just as our medical profession often treats the symptoms—take this pill, have this surgery—rather than hunting for the cause of the symptoms in the first place, our humanness does this too. We are in the muck of the symptoms of our internal discomfort and we fix just that.
We end a marriage or relationship. We quit a job. We disconnect from a friend or change the way we care for ourselves with our food and movement practices and meditations and all.
And yes, this works. For a while that is really a quick minute in this lifetime of ours.
Because when we move forward in reaction to an external symptom of our discomfort, it’s not really a moving forward, it’s a running from. And it’s unsustainable.
Because the cause of the symptom is still there. And this where that question comes in.
You know, the—"why do you want what is not good for you?”—question. Because it is this question that moves us out from the external symptom and lands us into our selves.
This is where we have to move from.
When we ask the question—"why do you want what is not good for you?”—we are taking the symptom—the “what is not good for you”—and tracing its path to where it was born—to the “why do you want?”
The question takes us into the internal mess of chaos.
This is the real discomfort. Painful and hard and so not an easy place to land.
And here’s the thing, if we sit here long enough, we begin to make sense. We begin the deeper reflection. And we begin to unravel.
And then we move with intention for growth. And then we move in response to our internal now knowing and with a choosing in our actions. And then, once we can find ourselves in here, we move from a place of internal love and respect and desire for ourselves.
And then we move forward from here (touch your heart).
And then it lasts.
Welcome 2024. Bring it on.
Mother, Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Dancer, Rower, Runner, Dog and Cat lover.