So, I live in the soul connection world where I get to drop into my pineal gland and have conversations with other people across energetic fields of love and connection. And I live in my human body and navigate my daily life through the human experience. The human experience is harder than the soul dance experience. The soul dance experience is beautiful.
If I could live in the soul dance all the time that would be friggin’ incredible because it’s surrounded by love and unconditional acceptance and everyone speaks from their higher self because they are their higher self and it feels fucking amazing. Human experience not so much. There are definitely those exquisite moments of joy and gratitude and connection with the other humans that I’ve chosen to incarnate with down here in our human bodies. But there’s angst and trauma and loss and grief and misunderstanding and miscommunication and despair and loneliness and so when I leave that to tap into my conversations that exist above this realm of existence there’s always that fleeting moment where I say God I wish I can stay up here and God laughs because he always laughs when I say things like this.
(quick note: my experience of God as he appears to me, is male energy. That doesn’t mean your experience of him, as he appears to you, is the same… and what a good idea for a separate post, right?)
Back to God. So, I say what I say, and he laughs. He actually laughs before I even finish saying what I say because he doesn’t have to wait to respond until I complete my thought since he knows what it’s going to be anyway. That’s how I know it’s him talking. It’s a timing thing. The Universe does this, too. (here’s that gender thing again) She absolutely knows my thoughts before they are formed and speaks up quite quickly. And then there is the voice inside me, the wise part. I call her my Witness. She sits on my shoulder and looks like a fairy. She also responds before thoughts are formed. She didn’t used to. Sometimes it took a good ten minutes before she would speak up. But now she is quick. And she loves me.
So, I have those fleeting moments where I say God I wish I could live up here and he laughs and then I say no I can’t do that because that’s not where I’m supposed to be. I’ve chosen to ground down here. And I go back into my body.
And that’s the game of spiritual bypass. Because we want to bypass all this shit. Because it doesn’t feel good and it’s challenging and we cry a lot. But we can’t because then we’ll end up back up in Soul Land with our cast of players, who showed up exactly the way we asked them to so we could learn the lessons that we’re supposed to learn, will say what the fuck are you doing here? Now you’re going to have to go back in your next life and do all this shit all over again. because you bypassed it this time around.
And then here I am again, back in the human body, doing the work of being human.
Self-portraits, September 2016, Monterey, Massachusetts
Pineal Meditation, by Kelly Schwegel,
Mother, Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Dancer, Rower, Runner, Dog and Cat lover.