These pictures are a capture of the last 10 years of my life. Upper left is 2012, the center, 2022. A capturing, a rendering, a visual reflection on growth and change, grief and joy, love and loss and loss again with lots of love thrown in. And through it all a constant stepping into Crone. In a big way.
But let me step back to the beginning.
I’m sitting in this law school class looking at this professor and thinking how much I just fucking hate her and as my thoughts crystallize clear in my mind she spins around and she stares right at me because she heard me. She fucking heard my silent thoughts as I sent them like daggers into her face—that’s how much I dislike this woman in that instant that she opened her mouth to teach me the law.
I can’t remember if I held her gaze or not. I’d like to think I did because I’m a bad ass and that would be what would give me a sense of pride which is truly a terrible emotion to feel when it is toxic like this. But in all likelihood, I didn’t. I probably looked for a split second and then looked away thinking that if our eyes weren’t meeting she couldn’t read my thoughts even though she could. And then I proceeded to try to pay attention and take the terrible notes that I take because I don’t know how to take notes because I’m an auditory learner and writing other people’s information down escapes me.
And then all of a sudden class was over, probably in the next two minutes even though it was probably an hour later, and I packed up my books to walk out of the classroom and she was standing at the door.
I looked at her to thank her in my absolutely disingenuous way as a coping mechanism for my embarrassment and shame because she read my mind, and she looked deeply at me and said I know you want to do this work, but you are not in Crone yet. You are still in Mother. And she smiled at me. What the fuck, right?
You see I had been stepping into my powers more. I was absolutely in Mother, with three children ages not even 1, 3 and 5, and I was dabbling a little bit in witchcraft. It resonated with me at that time, though I realized very quickly that the goddess power is not necessarily the only power I possessed. But at that moment it felt good—it felt feminine and in alignment with who I was showing up as in the world.
And my psychic powers were really strong. They always had been since I was little and I foretold the future and a ghost lived in my room who messed up my stuff. And now, with my kids quite young and during my moon cycle, my powers were strong. And I was playing in them quite often.
I’m thinking that it was all good. And then this woman that I fucking hated in an instant when I saw her face as she started to teach me the law said that I couldn’t do that now because I was in Mother. And my energy needed to flow outward to the care of my children and the nurturing of their power not inward to the care of myself and the nurturing of mine.
I truly don’t remember what I said to her in response. I think I might’ve said how do you know this? But I might’ve just looked at her. In my rewrite of my story, I said something wise but that might not have been true either. And she said we’ll talk about this more.
And in that instant this woman that I hated so much as she started to teach me the law became my mentor. And I loved her. And this experience has stayed with me forever and has become the foundation of literally all the work that I do and all the work that I teach other people to do around their powers and around their cycles of knowledge and gifts of intuition.
And when young women come to me as they are holding their babies and tell me their secrets, I tell them it will be hard to do this work right now because you are in Mother not in Crone so take your focus and move it outward to the nurturing and care of your children. And when the time comes, you too can step fully into your power.
Mother, Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Dancer, Rower, Runner, Dog and Cat lover.