Neil Diamond has this great song, Coming to America, that keeps playing over and over in my head. It started innocently enough on a conversation with my sister about my coming to Massachusetts this fall for the fall. And instead of saying "coming to Massachusetts" when we were talking, I said "coming to America" at which she immediately started singing the song. And now I am here and it is wedged deeply into my brain and plays on loop over and over again throughout each day.
The song doesn't really have a lot to do with my journey east. There are lyrics in there about freedom and about following a dream but that is not really this. This is different. This trip back east has many layers and though I will be free - on my own - this trip to the east is more about going deep not chasing dreams.
I leave tomorrow. It is soon. And it is big. And I have not packed yet. I have visualized packing. This is the first step for me, To see it in my mind. Plan it in a visual way. Look - in my minds eye - at my shoes and my jeans, my dresses and sweaters and see what comes along and what stays here in the west coast heat.
I do this same thing with my things. My sewing machine will try to come along if I have room for it. My caldron will come, too. Unless it feels too heavy for my car once everything is set. My heart rocks are coming, and my favorite necklaces and rings.
And my dog. the most important companion and friend. She is coming, too.
She gets the entire back seat, because she is HUGE, and so my other things, they will all have to fit in the way back or on the floor or next to me as a passenger.
This last week before this day which is the day before my leaving has been a busy week. Filled with great things.
I got a new tattoo. I have been thinking about this. Getting something on me that has meaning in that way that all my tattoos do. A marking of my body with art that also has significance. Deep resonance. My tattoos are reminders. And they are connections. They stand for people that I love. And they signify paths that I have traveled. This last one - I am awake to the beauty of this day - is my mantra. It is a new mantra. It is the awareness of the greatness of every day. And I needed it on me.
Along with a song in my mind and a tat on my arm, I also shot a gun. This was fantastic. I had been wanting to do this for a while now. It is funny, it popped into my mind, in much the same way that Coming to America did, and played around in that loop of needing to give this a try. The lyrics of this I want to shoot a gun song were strong in my mind and so - with daughter in tow because I so wanted to share this with her and she thought it was a fantastic idea, too - we connected with this great guy.
His name is Aidan Noble and you can reach him here if you think you want to do this, too.
We spent over three ours with him! He is really thorough - and really fun - and taught us all about handguns. About how they work. And about how to be safe. And about their power. And he showed us how to shoot and then we did. We shot guns. 22's and 45's and 9mm's.
I loved it. The competition of it mostly. The wanting to make the mark. To do it well. To line it up and hit where I said I would. Honestly, I thought I would suck at it. I do not play video games, I am not great at throwing a ball where I want it to go - you can ask my dog about this, she knows - and so I really thought that I would miss the mark. But I didn't. I was good. I was, and my daughter was, too. We nailed it! Not like brilliant nailed but like this is good nailed it. Like we got it. And feel confident. And know we will do better but for our first time, we were awesome!
And so now I am here. Getting ready to go. My trip across America and into the New England fall. Feeling into the moment of this beautiful day and knowing that tomorrow is the start of something. When I am in it I will know what it is.
Mother, Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Dancer, Rower, Runner, Dog and Cat lover.